Just what would you do if you are a computer tech support and faced with a bunch of computer idiot?
Customer: “How much do Windows cost?”
Tech support: “Windows costs about $100.”
Customer: “Oh, that’s kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?”
Tech support: “Ok, we’re going to check your modem settings. First thing we need to do is make sure all programs are closed.”
Customer: “How do I know if everything is closed?”
Tech support: “Make sure all windows are closed.”
Customer: “But…I’m in the basement. I don’t have any windows here.”
Tech support: “Do you have any windows open right now?”
Customer: “Are you crazy, it’s twenty below outside…”
Customer: “My computer won’t work. You guys must have broken it when you installed the modem.”
Tech support: “What happens when you turn it on?”
Customer: “It won’t turn on anymore!!!!!”
Tech support: “So you don’t see any lights or hear any noise?”
Customer: “I’m telling you it WON’T TURN ON.”
Tech support: “Is it plugged in?
Customer: “OF COURSE it’s plugged in, you MORON!”
Tech support: “When you push the power button it–”
Customer: “Power button? This computer doesn’t have a power button.”
Tech support: “Sir, all computers have power buttons. Look at the front of the case, find the word ‘power,’ and push the button.”
Customer: “YOU FIXED IT!! Thanks!!!!”
Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is.
Customer: “My printer is not working and I suspect my computer got a visual problem.”
Tech support: “What happened?”
Customer: “When I try to print my document, the computer says it couldn’t find the printer, so I turn the computer screen to face the printer, and the computer still cannot see it.
Customer: “Hello, is this Tech Support?”
Tech support: “Yes, it is. How may I help you?”
Customer: “The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my Warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?”
Tech support: “I’m sorry, but did you say a cup holder?”
Customer: “Yes, it’s attached to the front of my computer.”
Tech support: “Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It’s because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?”
Customer: “It came with my computer, I don’t know anything about a promotion. It just has ’16X’ on it.”
(The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder.)
Tech support: “Ok, ma’am, I need you to do a ctrl-alt-del.”
Customer: “How do I do that?”
Tech support: “Push and hold ‘ctrl’ and ‘alt’ at the same time, and then hit ‘delete’.”
Customer: “Where are those?”
Tech support: (explains the location of the keys)
Customer: “Nothing happened.”
Tech support: “Try again.”
Customer: “Still nothing.”
A minute or two later….
Customer: “Should I turn my computer on? Would that help?”
Customer: I’m trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn’t work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you’ve got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven’t got a computer. It’s in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen…..
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
Tech Support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: “No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.”